I’ve lost balance without your shoulder to lean on. I learned to pick myself and walk again, except I still miss having your safety. Regardless of what we are or what we will never be, I know we both care about each other. So take this twisted tale and hurt me in the most beautiful way possible. Deep in my bones I can feel you, take me back the time only we knew how to be. 

Tell me pretty lies, look me in the face. Tell me that you love me even if it’s fake, because I don’t fucking care at all. I have crazy feelings for you, I act like I don’t fucking care, like they aren’t even there..because I’m so fucking scared. I’m only a fool for you, and maybe your too good for me. But I don’t fucking care at all.

You built me up as quickly as you tore me apart

I don’t want to see you anymore because it just is a constant reminder of what never was

The blankness in our faces and words that never left our lips still remain unspoken and will lay in a grave in the ground forever, never to be unburied. 

You control my emotions without even knowing it.

Your presence itself makes me go into a twist of emotions.

Even though I’m doing better..you will never know to the full degree how much I cared for you.. how much I desperately tried.. and how much I cried.

you fucking broke me.

You changed my life so much that you put in a dream, it felt so new to me.

It turned into a nightmare where you haunted me every second.

I let you take control of my emotions, even if you weren’t there to do it yourself.

I let you get the best of me, and for these past 6 months I’ve been more concerned about you than myself.

I wanted to be in your arms but for the longest time I was begging at your feet.

It’s been such a hard time, and I just hold my pillow tight.

You won’t love me back, its not for you or me.

Even though you did so much good for me, and are the reason why I’m a safer..healthier person,

You never took into consideration my emotions.

You were my only thought and to you I wasn’t even a priority.

I feel so stupid for always defending you and never seeing the pain you caused me.

I will always love you, for you were my first love.

But for the first time ever..I’m ready to release.

Thank you for the lessons..thank you for the memories.

But I’m ready to start moving on in life the way it should be lived.

Happy and free.

I wanna touch your heart. I wanna crush it in my hands.

Make you bleed and cry as you give up all the lies.

We aren’t lovers, but once more than friends.

Put a flame to every single word you ever said.

No more crying..to get me through.

I keep dancing till the morning with somebody new,

tonight I’m getting over you.

I thought I missed you the most when I first lost you.

But as time grows older,

I came to the realization that your my everything

and I am your stranger..

and in this time I miss you uncontrollably.

I want to believe you still care.

But as the days grow older that we don’t talk,

I lose more and more hope.

You were always my safety blanket whether you knew it or not.

With so many people coming and going in my life,

You were always the one I saw hope for because I thought I’d always have you by my side.

But your just about as far away as you could be,

And I don’t know how to deal with that.

My mind plays a scene of where our paths might cross in the future..

and I ache even more because I’m afraid we will glance at each other as strangers,

and I will have to pretend and numb my pain to hide how much I miss you.

We haven’t talked in awhile,

But that doesn’t mean I don’t imagine conversations with you.

I had a dream about you the other night,

I woke up and initially thought it was real.

When I realized it was all in a dream,

I tried to go back to bed just to be with you in my imaginary world.

I became so depressed because it made me realize just how much I miss you.

We use to know each other so well,

and now we act as strangers without any life.

Maybe my insane words never come out the way I want you to interpret them,

but what I wouldn’t give to tell them to you in person.

I miss you.

I think back when we first met and how you were somebody I didn’t even look twice at.

Now I look for you everywhere I go, except your never there.

Maybe I’m just obsessed with what you do.

I wonder how you are doing now.

And time to time I pick up my phone and type a message to you,

but never press send because I know you won’t respond.

It’s funny how the only way you feel connected with somebody you’ve lost is through crying and sadness.

But it destroys me because you have become a ghost that haunts my thoughts every second that makes me wonder what I could have done differently,

What if it did work out..

what if.

And even though I’d like imagine I am in your thoughts like you are in mine,

I’ve come to realization I’m not..

and it hurts like hell.

2:44am

I’m trying to put my feelings for you into beautiful words,

but I don’t have the energy to put the words into a poem I tell myself in my head.

I want to say the words looking at you in person and not in my fantasy.

You’ve become so far from reach, 

that I’ve become afraid of you..

Unsure how you would react if we ever talked again.

I wish I could call you now just to talk,

but it won’t happen.

Maybe I have crossed your mind a few times,

but your all that my mind can think of..

and it eats me alive.

I miss you.